10 Films By Folks Born on Royal Baby Day

If you were anywhere near a television on July 22nd, you knew that the Royal Crumbsnatcher made his entrance in England. The blessed event (and the countdown to the blessed event, and the countdown to the countdown to the blessed event) received massive media attention on all the cable and “free” networks. I was probably happier than the Queen when the doctor slapped her grandson’s ass; it meant I didn’t have to hear about this anymore. Congrats, Helen Mirren, I mean, Queen Elizabeth II!

If your destiny is fame, July 22nd is a great day to be born. You’ll be in the good company of a lot of other celebrities. Today’s list takes 10 famous people born on Royal Crumbsnatcher Day and presents a movie by each. We’ve got actors, composers, directors, comedians and a choice between two people I didn’t want to make. So have a look, and if you want to give birth to a star, October 22nd is the day to get your freak on.

10.) Franka Potente (39)

The 39 year old Potente starred alongside Matt Damon in The Bourne Identity but will remain forever carved in my brain as the pink-haired heroine of 1998’s Run Lola Run. Armed with a killer techno score, Lola runs like Jesse Owens on crack in an attempt to save her man. When she fails miserably, the movie reboots and gives her two more opportunities. Run Lola Run’s editing foreshadowed Bourne’s, and the structure was a harbinger of the horror that is Tom Tykwer’s contribution to Cloud Atlas. Still, as a relic of late 90’s crossover German cinema, Run Lola Run holds up nicely. Especially if you play it LOUD. The theater I saw it in cranked the soundtrack up so high the walls shook.

9.) David Spade or Selena Gomez (reader’s choice)

I had 9 people for this list, and when I sought a tenth, I was faced with choosing between 49-year old David Spade and 21-year old Selena Gomez. You can decide on this one, and it’ll determine if you’re a teenage girl (you’ll choose Gomez), a horny boy (Gomez again) or a dirty old man (this could go either way). Nevertheless, I’m going to be mean and leave you with Ramona and Beezus–which I admit I kind of enjoyed because I read those books to my sister (born July 25th, so she’s not famous)—and Grown Ups 2, which I liked just a little less than the excruciating pain from my vasectomy. You’re wiser than I’ll ever be. Choose.

8.) John Leguizamo (49)

The multi-talented 49-year old has worked with a variety of big named directors. Spike Lee cast him in Summer of Sam and directed his one-man show, Freak. Baz Luhrmann made him sing Nat King Cole in the dreadful Moulin Rouge. George Romero surrounded him with zombies, and M. Night Shyamalan made him suffer through The Happening. He’s been an animated sloth in 75 Ice Age movies and the most convincing Latina drag queen I’ve ever seen on film. But I’m choosing my introduction to Leguizamo, his tiny role in Brian DePalma’s Carlito’s Way. As “Benny Blanco from da Bronx,” he left almost as big an impression on me as he left on Al Pacino’s Carlito.

7.) Lonette McKee (59)

The gorgeous McKee worked with Francis Coppola on The Cotton Club, and with Spike Lee on Jungle Fever and Malcolm X. She also did double duty with Richard Pryor in the bawdy Which Way Is Up? and the far tamer Brewster’s Millions. I may be the only person who liked Brewster’s, and I’m probably the only Black person of my generation who doesn’t like McKee’s most famous film, Sparkle. In honor of its recent Whitney Houston remake, I’ll choose Sparkle. McKee, in her debut, is the best thing about Sparkle. She sings a song later made famous by Aretha Franklin and En Vogue, “Giving Him Something He Can Feel.” Unfortunately, Sparkle kills her character off way too early, and the movie never recovers.  If I could have selected a TV movie, I’d have gone with her work as Mama Delaney in the superb Having Our Say.

6.) Terrence Stamp (75)

The original Zod turns 75! Working since 1962 (when he received his only Oscar nod for Billy Budd), Stamp has played almost everything you can conceive, from supervillains to an Angry Young Man to The Limey. As much as I love The Limey, I’m going to go for the movie I would never have expected from him, The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Alongside fellow supervillain Hugo Weaving and L.A. Confidential’s Guy Pearce, Stamp delivers a beautiful, tough, infuriating and vulnerably lived-in performance. His transsexual character, Bernadette, even manages to not be upstaged by the Oscar winning costumes. Stamp received a Golden Globe nomination for this role, and I can only imagine what Bernadette would have said had he won.

5.) Danny Glover (57)

That mean old Mister from The Color Purple is getting too old for this shit—57 years old. He probably still can’t get a cab in New York City, but he can get some love from this Noo Joisey resident. He has four Lethal Weapons and the original Saw under his belt, but here’s a role you may have forgotten Glover played: He’s the bad guy in Peter Weir’s Witness. Glover commits the murder that sets the plot in motion. While Harrison Ford hides out with the Amish, Glover lays back while the love story develops, only to resurface in terrifying fashion later. Witness takes a drubbing from my critic pals whenever I mention it, but it proved what this year’s 42 reminded us: Harrison Ford can really act.

4.) Willem Dafoe (58)

Platoon’s Sgt. Elias turned 58 on 7/22. Like Terrence Stamp, Dafoe has played a supervillain, the Green Goblin. He’s also played an FBI agent, a guy with smashed balls, the poet responsible for the worst Broadway musical ever, a vampire, and the only incarnation  of  Jesus Christ to get any trim. I’m going with the vampire, as Dafoe’s Oscar nominated performance in Shadow of the Vampire is hilarious and horrifying. Shadow presents an alternate take on the filming of 1922’s Nosferatu, with John Malkovich’s F.W. Murnau facing down the ultimate Method actor. The performance is a gimmick, to be sure, but it’s quite effective thanks to Dafoe and the Oscar-nominated makeup.

3.) Alan Menken (64)

If you grew up with the second coming of Disney animation that started with The Little Mermaid, Menken provided you with the songs of your childhood. Winner of 8 Oscars, Menken is the Max Steiner of Disney Studios, providing songs for Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Hercules (a favorite of mine), Pocahantas, Home on the Range, Enchanted, and Tangled. Before he did all that, however, he and the late lyricist Howard Ashman wrote the songs for the off-Broadway musical Little Shop of Horrors. Ashman wrote the screenplay for the film adaptation, which featured the show’s original Audrey, Ellen Greene, and Rick Moranis as her beloved Seymour. Bill Murray and Steve Martin have wild, dentist-oriented S&M sex while Four Tops lead singer Levi Stubbs gives voice to the alien plant sent to “eat Cleveland and Des Moines and Peoria.” Menken and Ashman received their first Oscar nomination for the profanity-ridden “Mean Green Mother From Outer Space,” and Warner Bros. ditched the original ending in favor of a goofy happy ending, a feat since rectified (or so I am told). I can sing the entire score by heart, and oddly enough, people paid to hear me do it. I played Seymour on stage 27 times.

2.) Paul Schrader (67)

Fellow birthday boy Willem Dafoe worked with Schrader five times, including in the aforementioned Last Temptation of Christ. Schrader adapted that book for Marty Scorsese, with whom he worked on the classic films Raging Bull and Taxi Driver. He also wrote Marty’s underrated Bringing Out the Dead. As a director, Schrader did several films including American Gigolo, Cat People, Light Sleeper and my pick, Blue Collar. Schrader’s 1978 debut is a masterpiece, full of humor, anger and hurt, anchored by the superb performances of Harvey Keitel, Yaphet Kotto, and a stunningly brilliant Richard Pryor. Blue Collar stays with you after the end credits, gnawing at you relentlessly. Like Do the Right Thing, it’s the rare American movie that’s truly honest about race relations, offering no solutions and leaving you alone in the dark with your feelings, fears and prejudices.

1.) Albert Brooks (66)

Willem Dafoe again teams up with a fellow birthday boy, this time with Brooks in Finding Nemo.  That film’s a Pixar classic,  but I like the more prickly Brooks of my younger days. My favorite movie in this vein is 1991’s Defending Your Life. I’ve long since abandoned any notion of the afterlife the Baptists threatened me with for 20 years. My only recourse is Brooks’ version of what happens when you die. You meet Oscar winning actresses like Lee Grant (as a lawyer) and Meryl Streep (as the love interest). You also use more of your brain, something the inhabitants of Judgment City brag about in near-phallic fashion. And everybody gets to watch, on a big screen, every single embarrassing thing you’ve ever done in your life. Lost in America is more pointed, and Modern Romance is terrifying, but my heart belongs to this one.